Dear Poe...the advice column

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poeboy
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2004/09/28 16:48:00 (permalink)

Dear Poe...the advice column

Yo, peeps! Feel free to ask the poe anything. I will keep things on the down-low if you want. I promise to do my best to help solve the world's problems, starting with yours.

PS- You can PM me to maintain your anonymity.
post edited by poeboy - 2004/09/28 16:51:02

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#1

2935 Replies Related Threads

    Wieland Kalligaro
    Pretentious Hatemonger
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/28 16:53:32 (permalink)
    Dear poe,

    I'm thinking of starting my own advice column, but I'm unsure how to make a mark in today's competitive advice market. What should I do?

    Weally Konfused

    MAJESTY: n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America. - Ambrose Bierce
    #2
    black_chic
    Hot, Real Hot
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/28 16:53:42 (permalink)
    Poe...how long is your tongue?

    And yet it moves!
    #3
    poeboy
    Media Boy
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/28 16:58:40 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Wieland Kalligaro

    Dear poe,

    I'm thinking of starting my own advice column, but I'm unsure how to make a mark in today's competitive advice market. What should I do?

    Weally Konfused

    Dear Weally,

    You should not attempt to enter this business. It is cutthroat, low paying, and only for morons such as myself. You know, people with huge egos that think we're better than you and can fix everything that's wrong with you. You should instead become one of Paris Hilton's on-camera fuck-puppies. That pays better.

    Ask me for my advice here.
    The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
    #4
    poeboy
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/28 16:59:33 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: black_chic

    Poe...how long is your tongue?

    Dear ,

    As long as it needs to be at any given time.

    Ask me for my advice here.
    The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
    #5
    crazytrain
    Thug of the Fight Club
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/28 17:17:12 (permalink)
    Dear Poe,
    There is this obnoxious little turd that we'll call "satan/boy" that has invaded my house. I want to call him a bonified bitch, but wonder, is that name too strong? Is there something better?

    signed:
    daisy chain

    "Ladies and Gentlemen, it's tough to run against Santa Claus."- Rush Limbaugh
    #6
    iHATEu10666
    Give me a few days...
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/28 17:32:49 (permalink)
    Dear poe,

    I have been needing to clean under my wretched bed for the past hour, and can fit under there, but I do not know the risks of under the bed! I have allergies and very sensitive sinuses, but I am still skeptical.

    Sincerely,
    iLOVETOPUTSTUFFINTHEBEDANDTHEREISLIKEabout10666THINGS

    Back for good. Seriously.

    "Lack of money is the root of all evil." -- Oscar Wilde.
    #7
    Erin
    Annoyatorium's Pet Kitty
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 01:05:13 (permalink)
    dear poe,

    i am terribly sexually confused. for the most part i am straight, but i have an undeniable urge to have sex with angelina jolie! am i bisexual, or just ansexual?

    anfan

    "I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." - Maya Angelou

    Obama won, things will get done!
    #8
    ratman
    formerly Rodent Boy
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 01:15:58 (permalink)
    dear poemaster,
    Why don't females enjoy Star Wars on the level that us geeky males do? Is this why all of my past dating experiences have been unsuccessful?

    -ratman

    This Week's Bushism
    "If you can't read, it doesn't matter. That's just as simple as that. I mean, I know it doesn't sound very nuanced or sophisticated, but it's true. It's the absolute truth."
    #9
    Wieland Kalligaro
    Pretentious Hatemonger
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 09:47:19 (permalink)
    Dear poe,

    My local advice columnist seems to have abandoned his post, and there's starting to be quite the backlog of crises for him to deal with. What can I do to keep society from crumbling until his return?

    Worried about Khaos

    MAJESTY: n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America. - Ambrose Bierce
    #10
    poeboy
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 09:54:04 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: crazytrain

    Dear Poe,
    There is this obnoxious little turd that we'll call "satan/boy" that has invaded my house. I want to call him a bonified bitch, but wonder, is that name too strong? Is there something better?

    signed:
    daisy chain

    Dear Daisy,

    If I was (were?) you, I would ignore this little piece of poo-poo. It sounds like this peckerless wonder thrives any and all attention, so by depriving the douche-drinker of said attention, you take away any desire he has to live, hopefully. If you feel it necessary to call him names, there is no name too strong, or too weak for that matter. Remember, Daisy, he can invade your house and eat your peanut butter, but it's still YOUR house and he'll never fuck your wife. Dog, maybe.

    Ask me for my advice here.
    The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
    #11
    poeboy
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 09:55:09 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: iHATEu10666

    Dear poe,

    I have been needing to clean under my wretched bed for the past hour, and can fit under there, but I do not know the risks of under the bed! I have allergies and very sensitive sinuses, but I am still skeptical.

    Sincerely,
    iLOVETOPUTSTUFFINTHEBEDANDTHEREISLIKEabout10666THINGS

    Dear Stuff,

    Don't worry about allergies and sinuses and whatever stuff is under your bed. It's fine. The monsters took care of it.

    Ask me for my advice here.
    The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
    #12
    poeboy
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 09:58:19 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Erin

    dear poe,

    i am terribly sexually confused. for the most part i am straight, but i have an undeniable urge to have sex with angelina jolie! am i bisexual, or just ansexual?

    anfan

    Dear Anfan,

    Everyone wants to fuck Angelina, even gay men, so you are hereby decreed to be normal. However, if you are still confused, try having sex with a girl. If you like it the same as sex with men, you're bi. If you like it more, your lesbian. If you don't like it all, you're straight. Also, send pictures of yourself in each of your future sexcapades. I will study the pictures and make a more accurate diagnosis.

    Ask me for my advice here.
    The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
    #13
    poeboy
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 10:03:42 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: ratman

    dear poemaster,
    Why don't females enjoy Star Wars on the level that us geeky males do? Is this why all of my past dating experiences have been unsuccessful?

    -ratman

    Dear ratman,

    Because women are genetically designed to make sure that you, a male, are always wrong. It's possible that these women actually LOVE Star Wars, perhaps being able to recite each movie line-for-line, but due to genetics, when you say "I love Star Wars" they have to say "I don't." It's in their nature. As for your past dating success, or lack of, loving Star Wars is okay, just...stop "loving" the copy you keep in the living room. Keep a spare in the bedroom for yourself and one in the living room to share with your dates.

    Ask me for my advice here.
    The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
    #14
    Lovelythesp
    Annoyatorium Flirt
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 10:05:06 (permalink)
    i can go head to head with any guy on star wars trivia. (esp. the first three original films)

    .
    #15
    poeboy
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 10:05:57 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Wieland Kalligaro

    Dear poe,

    My local advice columnist seems to have abandoned his post, and there's starting to be quite the backlog of crises for him to deal with. What can I do to keep society from crumbling until his return?

    Worried about Khaos

    Dear Worried,

    Your local advice columnist is not always on duty, as he is sometimes diagnosing a possble lesbian, or watching Star Wars. If I was you, I'd do nothing. Society will crumble as it will, with or without you, but mostly thanks to Ryan Seacrest, Harbinger of Doom.

    Ask me for my advice here.
    The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
    #16
    poeboy
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 10:23:53 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Lovelythesp

    i can go head to head with any guy on star wars trivia. (esp. the first three original films)

    Dear Head,

    I hear ratman's looking for a nice Star Wars loving woman. Perhaps the two of you could hook up. I hear the Force is strong, albeit fast, in the young one.

    Ask me for my advice here.
    The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
    #17
    Quagmire
    Norm MacDonald Votary
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/29 18:51:26 (permalink)
    Did you miss me?

    "In the struggle of Good against Evil, it's always the people who get killed."-Eduardo Galeano
    #18
    Erin
    Annoyatorium's Pet Kitty
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 00:14:34 (permalink)
    yes! where've you been quags?

    "I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." - Maya Angelou

    Obama won, things will get done!
    #19
    black_chic
    Hot, Real Hot
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    RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 00:44:25 (permalink)
    Dearest Poe,

    Should I get the Brazilian wax re-done or a simple bikini wax?

    Sincerely,

    wax_chick

    And yet it moves!
    #20
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