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Dear Poe...the advice column

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Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/28/2004 4:48:00 PM   
poeboy

 

Posts: 9696
Joined: 7/22/2003
From: The vast wasteland of northern Minnesota
Status: offline 		Yo, peeps! Feel free to ask the poe anything. I will keep things on the down-low if you want. I promise to do my best to help solve the world's problems, starting with yours.

PS- You can PM me to maintain your anonymity.

< Message edited by poeboy -- 9/28/2004 4:51:02 PM >

_____________________________

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
Post #: 1
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/28/2004 4:53:32 PM   
Wieland Kalligaro

 

Posts: 8259
Status: offline 		Dear poe,

I'm thinking of starting my own advice column, but I'm unsure how to make a mark in today's competitive advice market. What should I do?

Weally Konfused

_____________________________

MAJESTY: n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America. - Ambrose Bierce

(in reply to poeboy)
Post #: 2
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/28/2004 4:53:42 PM   
black_chic

 

Posts: 6361
Status: offline 		Poe...how long is your tongue?

_____________________________

And yet it moves!

(in reply to poeboy)
Post #: 3
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/28/2004 4:58:40 PM   
poeboy

 

Posts: 9696
Joined: 7/22/2003
From: The vast wasteland of northern Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wieland Kalligaro

Dear poe,

I'm thinking of starting my own advice column, but I'm unsure how to make a mark in today's competitive advice market. What should I do?

Weally Konfused

Dear Weally,

You should not attempt to enter this business. It is cutthroat, low paying, and only for morons such as myself. You know, people with huge egos that think we're better than you and can fix everything that's wrong with you. You should instead become one of Paris Hilton's on-camera fuck-puppies. That pays better.

_____________________________

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.

(in reply to Wieland Kalligaro)
Post #: 4
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/28/2004 4:59:33 PM   
poeboy

 

Posts: 9696
Joined: 7/22/2003
From: The vast wasteland of northern Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: black_chic

Poe...how long is your tongue?

Dear ,

As long as it needs to be at any given time.

_____________________________

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.

(in reply to black_chic)
Post #: 5
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/28/2004 5:17:12 PM   
crazytrain

 

Posts: 6561
Joined: 11/17/2002
From: Best city in the world
Status: offline 		Dear Poe,
There is this obnoxious little turd that we'll call "satan/boy" that has invaded my house. I want to call him a bonified bitch, but wonder, is that name too strong? Is there something better?

signed:
daisy chain

(in reply to poeboy)
Post #: 6
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/28/2004 5:32:49 PM   
iHATEu10666

 

Posts: 5931
Joined: 3/14/2004
From: stupid stalker
Status: offline 		Dear poe,

I have been needing to clean under my wretched bed for the past hour, and can fit under there, but I do not know the risks of under the bed! I have allergies and very sensitive sinuses, but I am still skeptical.

Sincerely,
iLOVETOPUTSTUFFINTHEBEDANDTHEREISLIKEabout10666THINGS

_____________________________

Back for good. Seriously.

"Lack of money is the root of all evil." -- Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to crazytrain)
Post #: 7
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 1:05:13 AM   
Erin

 

Posts: 7088
Joined: 1/26/2003
From: Where love is made and cards are played
Status: offline 		dear poe,

i am terribly sexually confused. for the most part i am straight, but i have an undeniable urge to have sex with angelina jolie! am i bisexual, or just ansexual?

anfan

_____________________________

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." - Maya Angelou

Obama won, things will get done!

(in reply to iHATEu10666)
Post #: 8
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 1:15:58 AM   
ratman

 

Posts: 8580
Joined: 3/3/2004
Status: offline 		dear poemaster,
Why don't females enjoy Star Wars on the level that us geeky males do? Is this why all of my past dating experiences have been unsuccessful?

-ratman

_____________________________

This Week's Bushism
"If you can't read, it doesn't matter. That's just as simple as that. I mean, I know it doesn't sound very nuanced or sophisticated, but it's true. It's the absolute truth."

(in reply to Erin)
Post #: 9
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 9:47:19 AM   
Wieland Kalligaro

 

Posts: 8259
Status: offline 		Dear poe,

My local advice columnist seems to have abandoned his post, and there's starting to be quite the backlog of crises for him to deal with. What can I do to keep society from crumbling until his return?

Worried about Khaos

_____________________________

MAJESTY: n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America. - Ambrose Bierce

(in reply to ratman)
Post #: 10
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 9:54:04 AM   
poeboy

 

Posts: 9696
Joined: 7/22/2003
From: The vast wasteland of northern Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazytrain

Dear Poe,
There is this obnoxious little turd that we'll call "satan/boy" that has invaded my house. I want to call him a bonified bitch, but wonder, is that name too strong? Is there something better?

signed:
daisy chain

Dear Daisy,

If I was (were?) you, I would ignore this little piece of poo-poo. It sounds like this peckerless wonder thrives any and all attention, so by depriving the douche-drinker of said attention, you take away any desire he has to live, hopefully. If you feel it necessary to call him names, there is no name too strong, or too weak for that matter. Remember, Daisy, he can invade your house and eat your peanut butter, but it's still YOUR house and he'll never fuck your wife. Dog, maybe.

_____________________________

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.

(in reply to crazytrain)
Post #: 11
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 9:55:09 AM   
poeboy

 

Posts: 9696
Joined: 7/22/2003
From: The vast wasteland of northern Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iHATEu10666

Dear poe,

I have been needing to clean under my wretched bed for the past hour, and can fit under there, but I do not know the risks of under the bed! I have allergies and very sensitive sinuses, but I am still skeptical.

Sincerely,
iLOVETOPUTSTUFFINTHEBEDANDTHEREISLIKEabout10666THINGS

Dear Stuff,

Don't worry about allergies and sinuses and whatever stuff is under your bed. It's fine. The monsters took care of it.

_____________________________

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.

(in reply to iHATEu10666)
Post #: 12
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 9:58:19 AM   
poeboy

 

Posts: 9696
Joined: 7/22/2003
From: The vast wasteland of northern Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Erin

dear poe,

i am terribly sexually confused. for the most part i am straight, but i have an undeniable urge to have sex with angelina jolie! am i bisexual, or just ansexual?

anfan

Dear Anfan,

Everyone wants to fuck Angelina, even gay men, so you are hereby decreed to be normal. However, if you are still confused, try having sex with a girl. If you like it the same as sex with men, you're bi. If you like it more, your lesbian. If you don't like it all, you're straight. Also, send pictures of yourself in each of your future sexcapades. I will study the pictures and make a more accurate diagnosis.

_____________________________

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.

(in reply to Erin)
Post #: 13
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 10:03:42 AM   
poeboy

 

Posts: 9696
Joined: 7/22/2003
From: The vast wasteland of northern Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ratman

dear poemaster,
Why don't females enjoy Star Wars on the level that us geeky males do? Is this why all of my past dating experiences have been unsuccessful?

-ratman

Dear ratman,

Because women are genetically designed to make sure that you, a male, are always wrong. It's possible that these women actually LOVE Star Wars, perhaps being able to recite each movie line-for-line, but due to genetics, when you say "I love Star Wars" they have to say "I don't." It's in their nature. As for your past dating success, or lack of, loving Star Wars is okay, just...stop "loving" the copy you keep in the living room. Keep a spare in the bedroom for yourself and one in the living room to share with your dates.

_____________________________

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.

(in reply to ratman)
Post #: 14
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 10:05:06 AM   
Lovelythesp

 

Posts: 5741
Joined: 11/17/2002
From: USA
Status: offline 		i can go head to head with any guy on star wars trivia. (esp. the first three original films)

_____________________________

.

(in reply to poeboy)
Post #: 15
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 10:05:57 AM   
poeboy

 

Posts: 9696
Joined: 7/22/2003
From: The vast wasteland of northern Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wieland Kalligaro

Dear poe,

My local advice columnist seems to have abandoned his post, and there's starting to be quite the backlog of crises for him to deal with. What can I do to keep society from crumbling until his return?

Worried about Khaos

Dear Worried,

Your local advice columnist is not always on duty, as he is sometimes diagnosing a possble lesbian, or watching Star Wars. If I was you, I'd do nothing. Society will crumble as it will, with or without you, but mostly thanks to Ryan Seacrest, Harbinger of Doom.

_____________________________

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.

(in reply to Wieland Kalligaro)
Post #: 16
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 10:23:53 AM   
poeboy

 

Posts: 9696
Joined: 7/22/2003
From: The vast wasteland of northern Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lovelythesp

i can go head to head with any guy on star wars trivia. (esp. the first three original films)

Dear Head,

I hear ratman's looking for a nice Star Wars loving woman. Perhaps the two of you could hook up. I hear the Force is strong, albeit fast, in the young one.

_____________________________

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.

(in reply to Lovelythesp)
Post #: 17
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/29/2004 6:51:26 PM   
Quagmire

 

Posts: 1432
Joined: 8/31/2003
Status: offline 		Did you miss me?

_____________________________

"In the struggle of Good against Evil, it's always the people who get killed."-Eduardo Galeano

(in reply to poeboy)
Post #: 18
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/30/2004 12:14:34 AM   
Erin

 

Posts: 7088
Joined: 1/26/2003
From: Where love is made and cards are played
Status: offline 		yes! where've you been quags?

_____________________________

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." - Maya Angelou

Obama won, things will get done!

(in reply to Quagmire)
Post #: 19
RE: Dear Poe...the advice column - 9/30/2004 12:44:25 AM   
black_chic

 

Posts: 6361
Status: offline 		Dearest Poe,

Should I get the Brazilian wax re-done or a simple bikini wax?

Sincerely,

wax_chick

_____________________________

And yet it moves!

(in reply to Erin)
Post #: 20
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