ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY

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David Seabrook
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2005/11/04 15:29:20 (permalink)

ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY

The First Democratically (or Republicanary) Elected Annoyatorium President:
The (Un) Distinguished Poeboy

Birth Name: John Poe Smith (Poe)
Date Of Birth:   The Day He Was Born
Residence: The Vast Wasteland that is Northern Minnesota
Occupation: Radio DJ/E-mail Spammer
Theme Song: Even The Nights Are Better by Air Supply
High School Activities: Media/AV Club, Extreme Chess, Frisbee Golf and Mathletes
 
From the moment he was born, Poe was destined for a distinguished career in public service.  His first act of defiance and independence occurred at the tender age of two at the most unlikely of places: the Baby Gap.  Tired of wearing trendy blue jeans, Poe, using his powerful debating abilities, persuaded his mother to buy him the rare pair of fashionable black jeans.  Once Poe went black, he never went back.
 
In elementary school, Poe successfully integrated the first all-inclusive lunch line in Minnesota history.  He single handedly broke down the social barrier which prevented “regular” hot lunch purchasers and “reduced cost” hot lunch purchasers from standing in the same lines. 
 
Poe was also influential in breaking down Minnesota’s rigid gender barriers.   He led the campaign which made Tyler Johnson the first male in the storied history of the Northern Minnesota girl scouts.  In his victory speech, he remarked, “Girl scouts are not just for girls anymore.”  To this day, Tyler Johnson remains the only male in Minnesota history to join the girl scouts.  Mr. Johnson credits Poe with laying the foundation which eventually led to his job as fashion consultant for Vogue Magazine.
 
During his teenage years, Poe became “born again.”  It was during this time period that he discovered the Immaculate Alyssa Milano.  Ms. Milano taught him the power of prayer; every night, Poe prayed that he might one day ask for her hand in marriage.  Inspired by Ms. Milano, Poe decided to pursue a career in radio (which he often claimed he had the face for).
 
Upon being hired at the radio station, Poe changed the culture of the entire office by introducing his co-workers to a fancy new technology: e-mail.   His slogan, “Read my lips: no new faxes” resonated with his co-workers, and e-mail attachments quickly replaced the need to refill the fax machines with new paper.  This allowed everyone in the office to devote more time to important endeavors like playing online Solitaire and browsing Internet forums.
 
As Poe continued to thrive at the radio station overseeing the station’s play list, he was quickly becoming one of the most popular members of an online forum he had recently joined called “The Annoyatorium.”  After months of elating other Annoyatorium members with his clever wit, snappy satire and comedic-rich posts, he decided to run for Annoyatorium president.
 
Following his time in office as President, Poe launched the most successful advice column in the last 2000 years of recorded human history.   When asked his motivation, Poe replied, “It is my job to use my experiences as President to save every man from his greatest enemy…himself.”
 
Among his accomplishments, the one he is most proud of is having the opportunity of being a loving father.





The Second Democratically (or Republicanary) Elected Annoyatorium President:
The (Dis)Honorable Wieland Kalligaro 
 
Birth Name: Wieland Eugene Horatio Benedict Takimoto Kalligaro the 19th, Jr.
Date Of Birth:   Sometime between the formation of the Earth and Kingdom Come
Residence: Kkabul, Kafghanistan
Occupation: Deposed Monarch/Freelance Writer/Richard Karn wannabe
Theme Song: Thank God I’m A Country Boy by John Denver
High School Activities: Show Choir, theatre, Yachting Club and Young Republicans
 
Wieland Kalligaro was born into a royal life of privilege.  At the age of 5, he was diagnosed with “Simba Simplex 18,” known to the rest of us as “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King” Syndrome.  Throughout his elementary school years, he participated in regal activities like fox hunting, croquet, and of course, baking with Betty Crocker every Saturday.
 
Growing up as the son of a monarch was not easy for the teenaged Wieland, so he decided to rebel against the establishment by joining the Young Republicans when he turned 18.  This infuriated his father, King Wieland the 18th, who believed the Republican Party to be far too progressive for his son to be involved with.
 
Wieland and his father argued about their political differences for months, and eventually, the younger Kalligaro was banished from the Kingdom of Kafghanistan, and thus, earned the dubious title of “deposed monarch.”  He spent the next several years traveling Western Europe searching for himself, but all he found was trouble.
 
Although the specifics of the case may never be known, it is common knowledge that Interpol has been hot on his trail for the past 6 years.  Using his stateside connections, he created a secret identity and life which Interpol has yet to discover.
 
Wieland, uninterested in returning to Kafghanistan, decided to pursue his life’s true passion: profiling obscure public figures for an online entertainment site.  Within months of joining the forum, he was considered to be the premiere profile writer in site history.
 
When Wieland found out the Annoyatorium would be holding elections for a new President, he debated whether or not to give a life of royalty and politics a try.  He knew it was in his blood, but he didn’t know if it was in his heart.  At the very last moment, he decided to throw all caution to the wind and enter the race as a Kaliban dictator.
 
He easily won the election, which led to widespread rumors of voter fraud from his political opponents.  Allegations surfaced that Wieland had bribed Annoyatorium members to vote for him by offering them lavish gifts.
 
The allegations soon faded away, and Wieland embarked on his storied run as Annoyatorium President, where he promoted modern idealism and Lorraine Gary worship. 
 
In the summer of 2005, fellow Annoyatorium member Fashuneesta challenged his Presidential status, and a coup d’Annoyatorium (not even close to) nearly toppled his administration.  However, the Annoyatorium public voted overwhelmingly to keep him in office, and he was never challenged again during his successful forum Presidency.
 
On his plans for the future, the only thing he would say is, “My dear fellow, be not concerned with that.  My time in the public light has ended.”






The Third Democratically (or Republicanary) Elected Annoyatorium President:
The (Hardly) Respected Ratman

Birth Name: George W. Rodentia Muridae Rattus Bush
Date Of Birth:   The day before the Black Plague began
Residence:  Hole In The Wall, Fraggle Rock, North Dakota
Occupation: Conspiracy Theorist/Classic Film Guru/Cheese Connoisseur
Theme Song: Rico Suave by Gerardo
High School Activities: National Honor Society/Canasta/Extreme Windsurfing

Contrary to popular belief, ratman is a living, breathing human being who never damaged crops or rummaged through garbage cans in the middle of the night looking for a free meal.   He grew up in a working class family where he learned the values of hard work, discipline, responsibility and pricing game products on ‘The Price Is Right.’  As a child, he dreamed of earning a medical degree after reading the award winning books of his favorite medical practitioner, Dr. Seuss.

The dream of earning a medical degree stayed with ratman until one bitter cold snowy day which cancelled school.  It was on that day that ratman discovered the story of Fievel Mouskowitz in “An American Tale.”  From that moment on, ratman knew he wanted to live the American dream by seeking a career in politics or public service.  When Fievel went west, so did ratman, and that is how he ended up in North Dakota
.

ratman considered joining the Junior R.O.T.C. program in high school, figuring some form of a military background would help his future political career.  However, the instructor kicked him out of class on the first day for wearing a shirt which read “Make Peace, Not War.”  It was on that day that ratman discovered the euphoric feeling which accompanied making a political statement.  It was also on that day that he discovered Advil was in fact man’s best friend.

Knowing that one person’s voice really can make a difference, ratman became the leader of the counter-culture revolution at his high school.  He protested discriminatory lunch room politics of who was qualified to sit at which table, organized a student walk out when the Teacher’s Union was denied its latest pay increase request and stood up to the activist Student Council when it outlawed clubs based on sexual orientation.  ratman argued that straight people have rights too, and the Student Council agreed with him.

Following his persuasive victory of the Student Council, the other students grew to respect and fear the debating powers of ratman.  It wasn’t uncommon in the hallways to hear one student say to another, “Don’t mess with ratman.  If you aggravate him, he’ll rat you out, man.”  And thus, the phrase “ratting somebody out” was born.  This phrase had such a significant cultural impact, it made its way to the most hardened of American criminal circles as a term for those who cooperated with officials in the criminal justice system.

While researching eco-friendly oil alternatives on the Internet, ratman came across a popular forum known as the Annoyatorium.  True to his rat nickname, he lurked the forum late at night and posted when nobody else was awake.  In the morning, members awoke to read a fresh batch of new posts made by the mysterious ratman.  They appreciated his political savvy, and eventually elected him as their leader.   

Although he maintained high approval ratings as President, his Presidency was not immune to forum shenanigans.  Under his reign, a pseudo-preacher and a group of southern prophets declared war on all that was unholy.  A self wanker professed why he hated all of ratman’s loyal subjects, then disappeared by wearing an invisible cloak.  An attention hungry teen drama queen lambasted the naming of forums, then recanted her claims when she realized it was a case of mistaken identity.

 
ratman will fondly be remembered by his Annoyatorium subjects for his political knowledge, tactful debating style, funny Bushisms, and of course, the unibrow!  He will also be remembered for abandoning his Presidency, and leaving his Annoyatorium public leaderless for the better part of his Presidency's final quarter.

post edited by David Seabrook - 2006/11/11 19:08:48

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
#1

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    David Seabrook
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/04 15:30:07 (permalink)
    Ignore
    post edited by David Seabrook - 2006/06/09 18:20:41

    Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
    #2
    Wieland Kalligaro
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/04 15:51:58 (permalink)
        
     
    This biography has several omissions and inaccuracies - just the way I like it!  If we were still in office, my boy, I'd raise your salary half a crown!
     
    And the photo is a fantastic likeness, if I do say so myself.

    MAJESTY: n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America. - Ambrose Bierce
    #3
    Wieland Kalligaro
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/04 15:52:54 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: David Seabrook

    Poe was also influential in breaking down Minnesota’s rigid gender barriers.   He led the campaign which made Tyler Johnson the first male in the storied history of the Northern Minnesota girl scouts.  In his victory speech, he remarked, “Girl scouts are not just for girls anymore.”  To this day, Tyler Johnson remains the only male in Minnesota history to join the girl scouts.  Mr. Johnson credits Poe with laying the foundation which eventually led to his job as fashion consultant for Vogue Magazine.

     


     

    MAJESTY: n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America. - Ambrose Bierce
    #4
    poeboy
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/04 15:55:43 (permalink)
    Delightful...and 100% accurate.

    Ask me for my advice here.
    The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
    #5
    David Seabrook
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/04 16:03:22 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Wieland Kalligaro

        

    This biography has several omissions and inaccuracies - just the way I like it!  If we were still in office, my boy, I'd raise your salary half a crown!

    And the photo is a fantastic likeness, if I do say so myself.

    That's why I'm the Minister of Propaganda!

    Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
    #6
    black_chic
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/04 16:37:40 (permalink)
    Minister David Seabrook, you did a fabulous profile of our past two Presidents! 

    And yet it moves!
    #7
    DHirschp
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/04 23:49:14 (permalink)
    Yes a very good job.

    If we don't shoot for the impossible life is not worth living.

    "Clothes make the man."-Burton Guster
    #8
    Bruce
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/05 02:56:21 (permalink)
    Is the official pronounciation of KKabul - Cock and Bull?


    Although these were incredible profiles nothing compares to the busty bust profile of our current Vice President Tina. 


    By the way it has been over a day in the Rat administration, who as we all remember, his forefathers carried the plague.  As anyone started the traditional impeachment procedures.  I can't wait to see Tina in her inaugural gown.

    I pray that disgruntled office seekers (Not mentioning any names, (points to Ldopas)) treat Ratman better than James Garfield.

    TEAM ANNOY!
    #9
    Tina
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/05 07:00:48 (permalink)
    Excellent job Seabrook
     
    .. I'm really looking forward to the inaugural ball

    Don't dream it.. be it
    #10
    DHirschp
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/05 18:09:26 (permalink)
    YEs it will be a joyous and splendid occasion.

    If we don't shoot for the impossible life is not worth living.

    "Clothes make the man."-Burton Guster
    #11
    David Seabrook
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/05 18:43:35 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: black_chic
    Minister David Seabrook, you did a fabulous profile of our past two Presidents! 

    Thanks, bc!  I must say that your current signature is the BEST ONE this forum has ever seen!  EVER!
     
    Yes a very good job.

    I better not have to pay taxes for all the work I put into writing them!
     
    Excellent job Seabrook

    .. I'm really looking forward to the inaugural ball

    Thanks!  All I know is this:  you and I better show up to the Inaugural Ball wearing different dresses!

    Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
    #12
    Tina
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/05 18:59:27 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: David Seabrook

    Excellent job Seabrook

    .. I'm really looking forward to the inaugural ball

    Thanks!  All I know is this:  you and I better show up to the Inaugural Ball wearing different dresses!

    we should shop together just to be sure

    Don't dream it.. be it
    #13
    David Seabrook
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/05 19:04:17 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Tina

    we should shop together just to be sure

    That would be the wise thing to do, but I must warn you, I'm going to be extremely jealous.  Normally, I'm the person wearing the most ritzy evening wear ("Puttin' On The Ritz is my motto).  However, I can't during the Inaugural Ball because you are one of the two guests of honor, and it would be poor etiquette to out-ritz you. 
     
    We'll go to a trendy boutique in New York's Fashion District for your dress, and I guess Mervyn's for mine.  If we go to Mervyn's, we have to stand outside the window and bang on the glass chanting "Open! Open! Open!"

    Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
    #14
    Tina
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/05 21:34:36 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: David Seabrook

    ORIGINAL: Tina

    we should shop together just to be sure

    That would be the wise thing to do, but I must warn you, I'm going to be extremely jealous.  Normally, I'm the person wearing the most ritzy evening wear ("Puttin' On The Ritz is my motto).  However, I can't during the Inaugural Ball because you are one of the two guests of honor, and it would be poor etiquette to out-ritz you. 

    We'll go to a trendy boutique in New York's Fashion District for your dress, and I guess Mervyn's for mine.  If we go to Mervyn's, we have to stand outside the window and bang on the glass chanting "Open! Open! Open!"

    I better not wind up on Mr. Blackwell's list.
    I know!! we can go for facials first too

    Don't dream it.. be it
    #15
    ratman
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/07 17:32:06 (permalink)
    Great bios, Seabrook.  My only disappointment is that I'll have to wait another year to have my own.
     
    Among his accomplishments, the one he is most proud of is having the opportunity of being a loving father.

     
    Well, he would love them if he knew where all of them were.
     
     

     
    Wieland, I never realized you were one of the puppets on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood
     
    Wieland, uninterested in returning to Kafghanistan, decided to pursue his life’s true passion: profiling obscure public figures for an online entertainment site.

     
    I think it's the passion in all of us.
     
    By the way it has been over a day in the Rat administration, who as we all remember, his forefathers carried the plague.

     
    Hey, that's still unconfirmed.
     
     
    I pray that disgruntled office seekers (Not mentioning any names, (points to Ldopas)) treat Ratman better than James Garfield.

     


    This Week's Bushism
    "If you can't read, it doesn't matter. That's just as simple as that. I mean, I know it doesn't sound very nuanced or sophisticated, but it's true. It's the absolute truth."
    #16
    ldopas
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2005/11/08 12:58:18 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Bruce

    Is the official pronounciation of KKabul - Cock and Bull?


    Although these were incredible profiles nothing compares to the busty bust profile of our current Vice President Tina. 


    By the way it has been over a day in the Rat administration, who as we all remember, his forefathers carried the plague.  As anyone started the traditional impeachment procedures.  I can't wait to see Tina in her inaugural gown.

    I pray that disgruntled office seekers (Not mentioning any names, (points to Ldopas)) treat Ratman better than James Garfield.

     
    Hey, I voted for him! And like any democratically elected leader I'll give him a chance.....for a month, THEN he's fishfood if he hasnt delivered.
    #17
    Vice Prez Cheney
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2006/03/12 01:49:18 (permalink)
    Where is Dick Cheney's bio?
    #18
    Bruce
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2006/06/06 19:22:36 (permalink)
    This is still funny - I await Ratman's bio

    TEAM ANNOY!
    #19
    David Seabrook
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    RE: ANNOYATORIUM PRESIDENTIAL HALL OF HISTORY 2006/06/07 15:54:03 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Bruce

    This is still funny - I await Ratman's bio

    That's up to ratman.  Mister President, when would you like your bio to appear in print?

    Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
    #20
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