Dear Poe...the advice column

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Author
ratman
formerly Rodent Boy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 01:32:40 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: poeboy

ORIGINAL: Lovelythesp

i can go head to head with any guy on star wars trivia. (esp. the first three original films)

Dear Head,

I hear ratman's looking for a nice Star Wars loving woman. Perhaps the two of you could hook up. I hear the Force is strong, albeit fast, in the young one.


Thanks for the advice Dr. Poe but I don't think it would work out. My unibrow always seems to deter the ladies

This Week's Bushism
"If you can't read, it doesn't matter. That's just as simple as that. I mean, I know it doesn't sound very nuanced or sophisticated, but it's true. It's the absolute truth."
#21
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 09:49:25 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Quagmire

Did you miss me?

Dear Q,

Kind of.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#22
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 09:50:02 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Erin

yes! where've you been quags?

Dear Erin,

Somewhere under the rainbow.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#23
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 09:51:15 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: black_chic

Dearest Poe,

Should I get the Brazilian wax re-done or a simple bikini wax?

Sincerely,

wax_chick

Dear wax,

I'm not sure. Send pictures of how you look with each one, and I'll tell you for certain, but I'm leaning towards Brazilian.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#24
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 09:52:43 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: ratman

ORIGINAL: poeboy

ORIGINAL: Lovelythesp

i can go head to head with any guy on star wars trivia. (esp. the first three original films)

Dear Head,

I hear ratman's looking for a nice Star Wars loving woman. Perhaps the two of you could hook up. I hear the Force is strong, albeit fast, in the young one.


Thanks for the advice Dr. Poe but I don't think it would work out. My unibrow always seems to deter the ladies

Dear Unibrow,

This is your chance to claim relations to a celebrity. If, on your date, the Brow comes up, just say it runs in the family and you got your Uncle Bert's eyebrows.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#25
crazytrain
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 11:55:06 (permalink)
Dear Poe,


How many woodchucks would it take to chuck wood if a woodchuck would chuck wood?


signed:
lazy pain

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it's tough to run against Santa Claus."- Rush Limbaugh
#26
Sabrina
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 12:51:12 (permalink)
Dear Poe,
Where is the edge of the Universe and where does Infinity begin?


yours truly,
Cosmically Confused.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
  
#27
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 13:06:38 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: crazytrain

Dear Poe,


How many woodchucks would it take to chuck wood if a woodchuck would chuck wood?


signed:
lazy pain

Dear lazy,

Just one...but he'd have to be really good.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#28
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 13:10:26 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Sabrina

Dear Poe,
Where is the edge of the Universe and where does Infinity begin?


yours truly,
Cosmically Confused.

Dear Cosmically,

The edge of the Universe varies. Ask Britney Spears, it ends wherever she decides it ends. Ask me, I say the universe ends nowhere, it is eternal. In short, the universe has no known definite edge. Infinity, however, begins just south of Monkey's Eyebrow, Arizona.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#29
obliqueone
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 13:28:58 (permalink)
Dear Poe,

If a snake swallows itself whole, starting at it's own tail, does it completely disappear, or turn inside out?

Ophidiophobianone

Wake up every morning and the battle's half over.
#30
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 13:33:31 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: obliqueone

Dear Poe,

If a snake swallows itself whole, starting at it's own tail, does it completely disappear, or turn inside out?

Ophidiophobianone

Dear Ophi,

What would happen is the snake would start a website, perhaps www.ieatmyself.com, and charge weirdo perverts $19.95 a month to watch the snake eat itself, an activity referred to as "autoconsumption," while they touch they-selves.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#31
Quagmire
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/09/30 19:14:57 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Erin

yes! where've you been quags?


I had a new AntiVirus that prevented me from logging in. But then Bruce told me how to get around it.

"In the struggle of Good against Evil, it's always the people who get killed."-Eduardo Galeano
#32
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/01 09:44:11 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Quagmire

ORIGINAL: Erin

yes! where've you been quags?


I had a new AntiVirus that prevented me from logging in. But then Bruce told me how to get around it.

Dear Quags,

Yes, that Bruce is a master of viruses, as well as figuring out how to get around whatever is preventing you from getting in somewhere, whether it's a bouncer, chastity belt, computer virus, or another guy's peepee.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#33
Lovelythesp
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/01 10:20:13 (permalink)
dear poe who would win a fist fight? me or missbehavior?

.
#34
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/01 10:29:32 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Lovelythesp

dear poe who would win a fist fight? me or missbehavior?

Dear Me,

It depends. I think missy would fight dirty and would be hard to take down. She would also take advantage of your oft-mentioned weak belly. Therefore, the winner would be the crowd at Billy Bob's Backwoods Bar on Jell-O wrestling night.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#35
Sabrina
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/01 11:20:23 (permalink)
Dear Poe,
Why do fools fall in love? Why do the stars shine at night?


Yours,
So lost...

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
  
#36
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/01 11:42:29 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Sabrina

Dear Poe,
Why do fools fall in love? Why do the stars shine at night?


Yours,
So lost...

Dear Lost,

Fools fall in love because they're idiots and can't help theyselves. Often, it's not even love, just lust. Especially men, who often think it's love at first sight because you have great bazoombas. Remember, kids, love is just another four-letter word for fuck. The stars shine at night because angels needs nightlights to help get to the bathroom so they don't piss their robes.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#37
Sabrina
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/01 11:45:51 (permalink)
Dear Poe,
Why would someone say they don't believe in astrology because they are a Scorpio?

Yours,
Bewildered.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
  
#38
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/01 11:50:13 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Sabrina

Dear Poe,
Why would someone say they don't believe in astrology because they are a Scorpio?

Yours,
Bewildered.

Dear Bewildered,

You know those Scorpios...always tryin' ta fuck wit' your brain.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#39
MissBehavior
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/01 12:01:24 (permalink)
^^^^true

Dear PoeBOy,

if a guy is a "flight attendant" is he gay?

Try try as u might i won't have an orgasm tonite.
Tuff Tity said the Kitty but the milk's still good....
#40
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