Dear Poe...the advice column

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poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/04 17:18:30 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Sabrina

Dear Poe,
When that shark bites with his teeth...scarlet billows they begin to spread.Fancy white gloves has Macheath....So there's never,never a trace of red....Does this mean Jimmy was a vegan?????

Dear ,

Yes. And as we all know, vegans are closeted homosexuals with Oedipus complexes.

Ask me for my advice here.
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#61
Sabrina
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/04 17:29:18 (permalink)
Dear Poe,
If there is a stairway to heaven is there an express train to hell? If there is a sunny side of the street,is there a rainbow on the express bus out of Newark?Dear?

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
  
#62
hisnameisrobert
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/04 19:59:47 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: poeboy

ORIGINAL: hisnameisrobert

Dear Poe,

I'm currently seeing a girl who is in the process of getting divorced. She has been married for 4 years, has a 1 and half year old son, and her soon-to-be ex-husband used to beat her on a regular basis. I've known her for about a year now, but we've only been seeing each other for about 2 months.

I care for her a lot, I love her son (and she loves my baby girl), but I'm not sure if what I'm doing here is right. Not to say that it is wrong, but I feel like she's an extremely fragile person who has already told me she loves me and sees us being together in the future, and I have no idea what I'll be doing in the next two weeks, nevertheless the rest of my life.

When I'm with her, everything seems perfect. Her son is great, her family is awesome and she makes me happy.

Should I put her down gently, telling her things are going to fast, or should I strap my seatbelt on and hold on for the wild ride?

She has her mediation with her ex in November. I think everything will get better then, but still...


Regards,

Confused One

Dear Confused,

First off, you need to arrange a "blanket party" for her soon-to-be-ex. That's what pussy-faced woman beaters need. Second, if she's that great and she makes you feel that good, follow your heart. Lastly, never ever tell her the joke that goes "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin'. You already told her twice."



You truly are a God among men. Thanks!

Regards,
Confused

Ask Me About My Favorite Regional Theater Performer.
#63
ratman
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/05 00:42:23 (permalink)
Dear Dr. Poe,

Why are all the beautiful people the biggest jerks?

Sincerely,
Social Outcast Rat

This Week's Bushism
"If you can't read, it doesn't matter. That's just as simple as that. I mean, I know it doesn't sound very nuanced or sophisticated, but it's true. It's the absolute truth."
#64
ldopas
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/05 05:10:22 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: ratman

Dear Dr. Poe,

Why are all the beautiful people the biggest jerks?

Sincerely,
Social Outcast Rat


Are you calling me a jerk?
#65
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/05 09:48:52 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Sabrina

Dear Poe,
If there is a stairway to heaven is there an express train to hell? If there is a sunny side of the street,is there a rainbow on the express bus out of Newark?Dear?

Dear Dear?.

Yes. Yes, there are. Coincidentally, Newark is Hell.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#66
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/05 09:49:36 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: hisnameisrobert

ORIGINAL: poeboy

ORIGINAL: hisnameisrobert

Dear Poe,

I'm currently seeing a girl who is in the process of getting divorced. She has been married for 4 years, has a 1 and half year old son, and her soon-to-be ex-husband used to beat her on a regular basis. I've known her for about a year now, but we've only been seeing each other for about 2 months.

I care for her a lot, I love her son (and she loves my baby girl), but I'm not sure if what I'm doing here is right. Not to say that it is wrong, but I feel like she's an extremely fragile person who has already told me she loves me and sees us being together in the future, and I have no idea what I'll be doing in the next two weeks, nevertheless the rest of my life.

When I'm with her, everything seems perfect. Her son is great, her family is awesome and she makes me happy.

Should I put her down gently, telling her things are going to fast, or should I strap my seatbelt on and hold on for the wild ride?

She has her mediation with her ex in November. I think everything will get better then, but still...


Regards,

Confused One

Dear Confused,

First off, you need to arrange a "blanket party" for her soon-to-be-ex. That's what pussy-faced woman beaters need. Second, if she's that great and she makes you feel that good, follow your heart. Lastly, never ever tell her the joke that goes "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin'. You already told her twice."



You truly are a God among men. Thanks!

Regards,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Thanks, yo.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#67
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/05 09:50:43 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: ratman

Dear Dr. Poe,

Why are all the beautiful people the biggest jerks?

Sincerely,
Social Outcast Rat

Dear SOR,

Because they know you'll forgive 'em for acting like that just so you can get another chance to stand in their glorious presence.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#68
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/05 09:51:43 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: ldopas

ORIGINAL: ratman

Dear Dr. Poe,

Why are all the beautiful people the biggest jerks?

Sincerely,
Social Outcast Rat


Are you calling me a jerk?

Dear ,

Yes, he was, but he didn't mean it. Please let him stnad once again in your glorious presence.

Ask me for my advice here.
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#69
Sabrina
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/05 11:27:51 (permalink)
Dear Poe,
Who is "Deep Throat" ? And does Bob Woodward really know the identity of this person?
Yours,
Still confused...

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
  
#70
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/05 11:34:36 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Sabrina

Dear Poe,
Who is "Deep Throat" ? And does Bob Woodward really know the identity of this person?
Yours,
Still confused...

Dear Still,

Deep Throat was Linda Lovelace, and yes, Bob knows her VERY well if oyu know what I mean.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#71
ratman
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/06 01:14:33 (permalink)
Dear Poemeister,

Who is full of more crap? Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore?

Liberal Rat

This Week's Bushism
"If you can't read, it doesn't matter. That's just as simple as that. I mean, I know it doesn't sound very nuanced or sophisticated, but it's true. It's the absolute truth."
#72
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/06 09:38:05 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: ratman

Dear Poemeister,

Who is full of more crap? Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore?

Liberal Rat

Dear Liberal,

Tough question. Rush would win if you went by sheer weight. Moore would win if you went strictly by the amount of absolute crap that comes out of their mouths at inappropriate times. I'd have to hand the tophy to Moore also if the qualifier was "Who tries to pass utter bullshit off as fact more often?" But Rush would win when it comes to "I'm telling the truth. I'm telling the truth. Okay, I lied." I'd say: Dan Rather.

Ask me for my advice here.
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#73
Sabrina
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/06 11:57:23 (permalink)
Dear Poe,
Did Mulder ever find his sistser? Was the guy who chain smoked his father? Did he and agent Sculley get married?
Yours,
Still lost....

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
  
#74
obliqueone
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/06 12:18:03 (permalink)
Dear Poeone,

I've recently had stomach pains, like I have been punched in the gut. Any insights?

Signed, Writhen

Wake up every morning and the battle's half over.
#75
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/06 12:57:58 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Sabrina

Dear Poe,
Did Mulder ever find his sistser? Was the guy who chain smoked his father? Did he and agent Sculley get married?
Yours,
Still lost....

Dear Still,

As it turns out, the chain smoker was Mulder pa, and Mulder and Scully did get married and had seven kids. And yes, he did find his sister. Turns out it was Scully.

Ask me for my advice here.
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#76
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/06 13:00:23 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: obliqueone

Dear Poeone,

I've recently had stomach pains, like I have been punched in the gut. Any insights?

Signed, Writhen

Dear Writhen,

Did you, indeed, get punched in the gut? If so, the pain will subside. If not, and you are of legal drinking age, drink tequila to dampen the pain. If you're too young, you can deflect the pain by breaking your own pinky, thereby causing your brain to focus on your finger. It'll be like your stomach never hurt at all. You might also be pregnant, or have ulcers or something, so a doctor might be a good idea or whatever.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#77
Sabrina
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/06 13:05:51 (permalink)
Dear Poe,
When do you think Dr.Phil will run for President and will he choose Oprah as his running mate?

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
  
#78
poeboy
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/06 13:09:44 (permalink)
ORIGINAL: Sabrina

Dear Poe,
When do you think Dr.Phil will run for President and will he choose Oprah as his running mate?

Dear ,

Never, I hope. Even if he does, he'll never pick Oprah as his running mate simply because Oprah will participate in nothing involving the word "run" or any derivative thereof.

Ask me for my advice here.
The poeboy Corporation-Improving the world through sex and sarcasm.
#79
ratman
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RE: Dear Poe...the advice column 2004/10/07 01:54:08 (permalink)
Dear Poe Meister.

Why are some people completely unable to see anybody beyond their skin color? In other words, why are some people racist?

-The Voice of Reason Rat

This Week's Bushism
"If you can't read, it doesn't matter. That's just as simple as that. I mean, I know it doesn't sound very nuanced or sophisticated, but it's true. It's the absolute truth."
#80
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